Already Lived Through?

Every day before I drift off to sleep, I lay in bed thinking- thinking about what I would like to become in future, wondering what the hell life means, picturing myself in scenarios that will never happen, trying to find inner peace.

There is always that one image that sticks with me just before the subconscious takes over. Call it a hypnagogic hallucination, Wiki defines it as a threshold consciousness, during the onset of sleep. In my recurrent lucid dream, I’m lying prostrate, hidden in a thicket on top of a hill, a sniper rifle scope against my eye- Haha! I know, very juvenile. A few hundred meters away I see what I assume is my target, a black SUV, tinted windows, monster tyres. It’s parked in an alley, dimly lit, smoke escapes from one of the slightly pulled down back windows. I adjust my scope to view the car better as someone rolls down the smoking window. I hear the flick of a lighter, I hear the sound of breaking glass over the low thudding music coming from a nearby night club. Someone is opening the door of the SUV, I can hear the door hissing as it opens, I adjust my scope aiming it at the opening door and    just like that the subconscious takes over- without warning- I’m now at the mercy of my own brain.

Most days when I am Idle I often think back to these moments and wonder why my brain drifts to that particular image. I always wonder why I’m always snatched away before I can pull the trigger. I’m I even supposed to pull the trigger? I always wonder why that particular car? Why that particular alley? Why the monster tyres? Who smokes in the back seat of the SUV? The thudding music always feels so familiar but I can never figure out where the hell I have heard it before.

 I have had this image for as long as I can remember.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s a trick played on me by my mind (I’m one of those crazy people who like to think of their mind and their self-consciousness as two separate entities), because in that moment right then and there I feel like nothing can hurt me, I feel safe, maybe it’s the only way it feels I’ll let myself let go.

I'm also one of those people who like to imagine reincarnation is real- Crazy huh? Well not so much... How do you explain Déjà vu? How do you explain bad luck? I always wonder if the image is a memory from another past, Yeah I like my imagination running wild (hehe borderline madness).

Anyway these are the simple things in life that always puzzle me not corporate structures, not balance sheets and gross profits but reincarnation, Déjà vu and the subconscious 

I read somewhere that an article a day makes a better writer and improves discipline, well, here are my thoughts for the day.